Life on the National Helipad

Luckily for me, but perhaps sadly for the nation, it is fairly simple to illustrate the results of helicopter parenting. The examples call from the headlines. I recently visited Roanoke Island, North Carolina. Near the beach, begging to be swept away by waves, stood a new condominium. The builder was finishing up. “Why,” I asked, did you build this?! Aren’t you afraid it will be swept away by the next hurricane?” The gentleman laughed, “Oh, we don’t expect these to last more than 10 years or so, but we qualify for Federal insurance!”

“What!!”

This means, of course, that the only one foolish enough to insure these at risk structures is the helicopter government. There’s a moral here:
Chronic rescue insures protection from consequences which inevitably leads to goofy thinking, poor choices, self destructive behavior and lack of responsibility.
And it doesn’t seem to matter whether we are talking about an irresponsible 15 year old; a car manufacturer who builds cars no one wants; a builder who builds at or below sea level; or a bank that makes loans when there is no collateral.
For more than thirty-five years, I have seen parents chronically rescuing their little kids and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that they will one day raise a very irresponsible teen, who will eventually break the parent’s hearts while making his own destructive and dysfunctional decisions.
In these difficult times, I very much want to believe that the rules that lead to character development, responsibility and growth only hold true for individuals, families, and successful companies, but history and common sense say the rules are true for countries too.

In a well researched recent article, Vanity Fair highlighted dozens of CEO’s whose decisions have impoverished both employees and shareholders while they rake in millions if not billions. Where do these guys come from? Are they soulless or shameless? Such self righteous judgmental protests are human if not helpful. Perhaps understanding will best insure we don’t raise such Americans ourselves. After years of psychiatric practice, I’m pretty sure these guys did not grow up in families that infused them with the values that surrounded the childhoods of Lincoln or Washington.

I’m betting that they grew in families where parents were proud of their “child centered home” and whatever junior wanted, junior got. They grew with sacrificial parents who taught their entitled children that the world owed them the best; that others were there to serve, and that regardless of others, their own wishes came first.

Of course, many of our leaders grew in such an environment. So both the rescued and the rescuers all know and play the same game never recognizing other options.